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50 jokes with 68 total ratings
Unrated Jokes (22)
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Question: Did you hear about the two satellites that got married? Answer: The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible.
Question: February can't March. Answer: But April May!
Question: Why did the carpenter leave the lumber store? Answer: Because he got bored.
Question: What's the difference between the moon and a cheeseburger? Answer: The moon is in the sky, a cheeseburger is in THIS guy. (Points to belly)
Question: What's big and hairy and wears a bow tie? Answer: Bigfoot at a fancy party.
Question: Have you heard about the sale at the Optimist Store? Answer: Everything's 50% on.
Question: Why do optimists have to wear sunglasses? Answer: Because they're always looking on the bright side.
Question: Why did the golf course hire the dermatologist? Answer: It needed to have some moles removed.
Question: Did you hear about the world's greatest watch thief? Answer: He stole all the time.
Question: How do you make a bandstand? Answer: Take away all of the chairs.
Question: What do you call a fake noodle? Answer: An impasta!
Question: What kind of tree fits in your hand? Answer: A palm tree.
Question: Did you hear about the new book on anti-gravity? Answer: It's impossible to put down.
Question: Hear about the guy that got fired from the calendar factory? Answer: He took too many days off.
Question: Do you know what the loudest pet is? Answer: A trumpet.
Question: What did the ocean say to the shore? Answer: Nothing. It just waved.
Question: Did you hear about the restaurant they're building on the moon? Answer: The food is supposed to be great, but there's no atmosphere.
Question: Have you heard the pizza joke that's going around the internet? Answer: It's a little cheesy.
Question: What's more amazing than a talking dog? Answer: A spelling bee.
Question: A man went to the doctor. He had a cucumber in one ear. A hot dog in the other ear. And two carrots stuck up his nose. He asked the doctor what was wrong with him and the doctor said: Answer: "I don't think you're eating properly."
Question: Do you know the name of the boy wizard that loved to play golf? Answer: Harry Putter.
Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Answer: Frost-bitten.
Rated Jokes by Fatherhood.gov
Why was the basketball court all wet? || People kept dribbling all over it.
Why do bees hum? || Because they don't know the words.
What did the beaver say to the tree? || It's been nice gnawing you.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? || Bison
How do trees get on the internet? || They log on.
If I asked you to choose your favorite feature, would you... || ...pick your nose?
Did you hear that they invented a new type broom? || It's sweeping the nation.
Did you hear about the circus fire? || It was in tents.
Hear about the guy that stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone? || It finally dawned on him.
Hear about the guy that wanted to buy a pair of camouflage pants? || He couldn't find them anywhere.
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? || Because they're really good at it.
What do you call cheese that's not yours? || Nacho cheese.
I used to really hate facial hair. || Then one day, it grew on me.
What do you call a pony with a sore throat? || A little horse.
What's red and smells like paint? || Red paint.
Where do fancy cats go to the bathroom? || The glitter box.
Why did the astronaut move to the suburbs? || He wanted more space.
Why don't crabs ever give to charity? || Because they're shellfish.
I couldn't figure out the seat belts in my new car... || ...but then it clicked.
Did you hear the one about the Ballerina Debate Team? || They always stay on point.
What do you call a man with a rubber toe? || Roberto.
Why did the ghost buy a box of bandages? || Because he had so many BOO BOOs.
Why did the snake go to the doctor? || Because he had a frog in his throat.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? || He was outstanding in his field.
How many apples grow on an apple tree? || All of them.
Hear about the lazy kangaroo? || He was a real pouch potato.
Why did the pizza cutter get a speeding ticket? || Because he was rounding the corner too fast.
What is brown and sticky? || A stick.