Why did the sentence fail the driving test?

It never came to a full stop.

Why is it always hot in the corner of a room?

Because a corner is 90 degrees.

What do you call a troublesome Canadian high schooler?

A poutine.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's ok, he woke up.

Where did you learn to make ice cream?

Sunday school.

What is the tallest building in the world?

The library – it’s got the most stories!

What is a witch's favorite subject in school?

Spelling!

Where do you learn to make banana splits?

At sundae school.

What's the worst part about being a cross-eyed teacher?

They can't control their pupils.

Why did the m&m go to school?

Because it wanted to be a Smartie!

What's the worst thing about ancient history class?

The teachers tend to Babylon.

What did the calculator say to the student?

You can count on me.

Asked my son what he learned in school today. He said “Gay men like ynoS. Lesbians favour ahamaY, and transgender people prefer esoB.

I knelt down and put my hand on his shoulder and said “Son, those are just backwards stereo types.”

Asked my son what he learned at school today. He said, “Gay men like Sony, lesbians favor Yamaha, and transgender people prefer Bose.”

Kneeling down I put my hand on his shoulder and replied, “Son, those are just stereo types.”

Every day, my teacher reads a joke from Reddit to start the class, but today she is absent.

So instead, a subreddit.

I think i have a fetish for the last paragraph in an essay

I just came to that conclusion

OC posted in honor of my dear father-in-law, who died of cancer today

Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me: “Well, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...” *pauses for effect* “...I guess I let it go to my head.”

I saw my dwarf neighbor at a bus stop

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home" I said. "Fuck off" he shouted back. "What an ungrateful little cunt" I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

8yo nephew's an early bloomer. Gets home, tells his dad, "There was a kidnaping at school today." Dad: "What!?!" 8yo, dead serious, -

"It's okay, dad... He woke up." Doesn't even smile. Walks away.

My sewing instructor just told me that I’m the worst student she has ever seen.

Shit. Wrong thread.

I’m so bored that I just memorized six pages of the dictionary.

I learned next to nothing.

Today I launched a book aimed at 9-12 year olds.

I’m proud to say I managed to hit one of the little shits!