Why did the scarecrow win an award?
He was outstanding in his field.
Sports Jokes
The groan-worthiest dad jokes about sports — rated by the community.
51 jokesWhat's big and hairy and wears a bow tie?
Bigfoot at a fancy party.
Did you hear the one about the Ballerina Debate Team?
They always stay on point.
Where do fancy cats go to the bathroom?
The glitter box.
Why did the golf course hire the dermatologist?
It needed to have some moles removed.
Why was the basketball court all wet?
People kept dribbling all over it.
Do you know the name of the boy wizard that loved to play golf?
Harry Putter.
How come the stadium got hot after the game?
Because all of the fans left.
Have you heard the story about the magic tractor?
It drove down the road and turned into a field.
Do I enjoy making courthouse puns?
Guilty
Why did the kid throw the clock out the window?
He wanted to see time fly!
What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
A tuba toothpaste.
What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport?
Squash.
Bad at golf?
Join the club.
What do you call a crowd of chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?
" "Pop," goes the weasel.
Why did the A go to the bathroom and come out as an E?
Because he had a vowel movement.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
The p is silent.
Why does Norway have barcodes on their battleships?
So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian.
What is a tornado's favorite game to play?
Twister!
How come the stadium got hot after the game?
Because all of the fans left.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
Why do wizards clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath!
Why are basketball players messy eaters?
Because they are always dribbling.
Why did the barber win the race?
He took a short cut.
Where does batman go to the bathroom?
The batroom.
What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?
Shakespeare.
What type of music do balloons hate?
Pop music!
What animal is always at a game of cricket?
A bat.
Did you know you should always take an extra pair of pants golfing?
Just in case you get a hole in one.
How do locomotives know where they're going?
Lots of training
BREAKING NEWS from the courtroom! Amber Heard confesses to having a child with Charlie Sheen. The child went to live with his father and took his name.
Both parents agreed the child should be sheen and not heard.
My wife kicked me out because of my terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions, but don't worry.
I'll return.
I just called GameStop Customer Service...
They asked me to please Hold. 💎🤲
I tried to organize a professional Hide and Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure.
Good players are hard to find.
Asked My Date To Meet Me At The Gym, But She Never Showed Up...
Guess the two of us aren’t going to work out
If the Super Bowl went into overtime, does that mean the first 4 quarters were just a really long commercial since the game was Tide?
I really hope Tide had another commercial ready just in case.
In 2017 I didn't jog. In 2018 I didn't jog. In 2019 I didn't jog. In 2020 I still haven't jogged.
This is a running joke.
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water"
I know he means well
My 8 year old daughter just came up with this: What do you call Batman when he's hurt?
Bruised Wayne.
As a doctor, I'm addicted to hitting my patients on their knees
I really get a kick out of it
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, “Ha! That’s not going to help!”
“Sure, it does.” I said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
eBay is so useless
I tried to look up lighters and all they had were 13,570 matches
If you could get rid of one race which one would it be and why?
I would get rid of the marathon. Running 26.2 miles is just crazy!
I told the cop, “You can’t write me a ticket. I have a marathon to run tomorrow.”
The cop said, “Sir, that’s not how you play the race card.”
When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, “Ha! That’s not going to help!” I replied, “Sure, it does.”
“It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
When my wife found me playing with my son’s train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
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