Why do optimists have to wear sunglasses?

Because they're always looking on the bright side.

Hear about the guy that stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone?

It finally dawned on him.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frost-bitten.

What do you call two guys hanging out by your window?

Kurt & Rod.

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

Look for fresh prints.

Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days?

Dunno, they're just a bit shady.

"Dad, do you think it's going to snow this winter?

" "I dont know, its all up in the air"

What do you call a dad that has fallen through the ice?

A Popsicle.

What do you call an old snowman?

Water.

Why did the half blind man fall in the well?

Because he couldn't see that well!

Why did Dracula lie in the wrong coffin?

He made a grave mistake.

Why is it so windy inside an arena?

All those fans.

What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?

A little shaken.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water?

Because if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat.

Why did the house go to the doctor?

It was having window panes.

What are the strongest days of the week?

Saturday and Sunday...the rest are weekdays.

How come a man driving a train got struck by lightning?

He was a good conductor.

I got the words “jacuzzi” and “yakuza” confused.

Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia.

If Ani is short for Anakin and Obi is short for Obi-Wan, what is Luke short for?

A stormtrooper.

Can one of the Mods please explain to me why my post was removed?

I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over....

I think the girl at the Airlines check-in just threatened me.

She looked me dead in the eye and said, “Window or aisle?” I laughed in her face and replied, “Window or you’ll what?”

Why was my post removed?

Can someone tell me why my post was removed? I'm a bit annoyed about this as it caused my fence to fall over

A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night

oof

Ani is short for Anikan, Obi is short for Obi Wan Kenobi, then what's Luke short for?

A stormtrooper.

I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying he’d walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong.

He’ll come around, eventually.

What color is the wind??

Blew!

What do you call a typo on a headstone?

A grave mistake.

Yesterday I confused the words "jacuzzi" and "yakuza".

Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia.

Justice is a dish best served cold

Because if it were served warm it would be justwater

A man is staying in a hotel.

He walks up to the front desk and says, “Sorry, I forgot what room I’m in, can you help me?” The receptionist replies, “No problem, sir. This is the lobby.”

I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.

I watched it all unfold.

How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

Add Spring Water.

Which is faster, hot or cold?

Hot, because you can catch a cold.

Justice is a dish best served cold

If it were served warm it would be justwater.